When I see a sponsored post get 2k notes all I can think is, what a bunch of suckers.
I was, oddly enough, on the toilet bowl when I had the revelation. Someone else is going to be sitting on this bowl soon, I thought. Someone who is a stranger to me will call this bathroom their own and take their morning dump in the place I did so for ten years.
Selling your house is weird.
Ten years. I’ve lived here ten years. This house has seen a lot. A broken down relationship. A new marriage. Happiness. Tears. Joy. Sadness. It’s been through renovations and stagnation. It’s seen me at my best and at my worst. Every room holds memories, some of them I’m happy to say goodbye to, some of them I want to put under lock and key and never forget. I have had my lowest moment in this house. But I had my happiest moments here, too.
We will leave secrets behind in these walls. We will leave our metaphysical imprints, ghosts of us walking the hallway, going from room to room, whispers of our lives here floating around the walls and floors. We leave behind turmoil, we leave behind bliss.
I hope the new owners see as many moments of happiness I have in this home. I hope they enjoy the coziness and savor the yard the way we have. I hope they see none of the disarray and despair that enveloped the house before Todd got here. I hope they love this house the way we have. I hope they sit on the toilet one day and think, this was someone else’s bathroom, and maybe give some thought to the people who left good vibes laying around.
I want to leave this house on a high note so we leave happiness on the doorstep.
It’s time to start saying goodbye.
sometimes I emphatically hit that heart, like press down on my keyboard really hard because I mean it. hope you felt that.
The carpet people are coming to rip out the rugs today in preparation for laying all new carpet in the house tomorrow. In every room but the kitchen. Because a house is easier to sell when it has all new carpeting (in addition to all new paint which was done last week). So they are going to move furniture out of some rooms and put it into other rooms and turn everything even more upside down than it’s been and when I get home from work there will be a couch and a love seat in my kitchen and who knows what who knows where. I’m just so tired of this upheaval in the house which seems to be matching point to point the upheaval in my life and everything is a mess and I just want to fast forward say two months from now when I hope like hell everything will be settled and as close to normal as possible.
Upheaval is not an easy thing to deal with and when you’re a person who suffers from generalized anxiety disorder it’s just harder and messier in your brain to deal with.
Add to everything going on right now (some things I have barely talked about as well) the fact that my sister is moving away Friday and she’s always been my calming factor, the person who chills me out when I’m freaking out, a best friend, a confidant, the person who most understands my sense of humor and just my baby sister in general and I’m losing her to Rhode Island, well this is not making the upheaval in my life any easier. I’ve yet to let my mind deal with the fact that after Friday she won’t be right upstairs anymore, that my nephew won’t be hanging out in the backyard with me waiting for Todd to tell him some story. I’m so god damn happy for her though, for this new life she is starting with Matt and his son that I can’t be upset for me too much.
Or can I.
You know the phrase “don’t upset the apple cart?” Well my apples are all over the fucking ground right now and they are rolling away and the cart is upside down and I think there are some feral cats eating the apples that haven’t rolled down this giant fucking hill the apple cart was precariously perched on.
Life. What an asshole.