Someone left a donation and comment in my name on the Darren Wilson GoFundMe page. They spelled my last name wrong but they got my twitter name right and they posted this shit in the comments.
I contacted GoFundMe (after I had already contacted them asking them to take down the fundraiser for Wilson because it violates their ToS) and got a “we’re looking into it” response from them, which also said they wouldn’t be contacting me again. I wrote back and asked them to please tell me if and when they remove the offending comment. I also want to know who it was that used my name, but I don’t think I’ll ever get the satisfaction of finding that out.
I had to then go on twitter and state for the record that I think Darren Wilson is a murderer because I had people tweet at me as if I was a supporter of his. I had to block a few people, also. It pains me that people went on twitter to look me up thinking I was on their side, that I would support a murderer cop. And it hurts to think that people I don’t know who were just looking at the site in horror like most of us, saw that name and now associate me with the Wilson supporters.
This whole thing is so upsetting. Not even the part about me. That’s a minor thing here. But the fact that so much money was raised for Wilson and that money came with vitriolic comments. You can really see into the heart of racist America by reading the comments on that GoFundMe page and it’s a dark, ugly place. I’m horrified by it, but as a white person, I’m also ashamed. So ashamed.
Something that bothers me so much about it is all those racists out there - many of them are parents. And they are going to raise racist children because racism is taught. It’s not inherent. It is taught. You have to actively teach a child to be racist in order for them to be that. You lead by example and when the example is set by a person who would write some of the things I read on that site, then you have a problem. Because racism will never end if people keep raising new generations of racists.
I’ve been angry for over a week. Mixed in with that anger is sadness. And a feeling of hopelessness. I don’t even know what to do to combat this anymore.
One of the first things I saw upon waking and heading to the computer was a link to a GoFundMe for Darren Wilson in which people are not only donating money but leaving horrible, awful, racist, ugly comments with their donations.
I looked at their ToS and found that you can not use GoFundMe for: (d) items that promote hate, violence, racial intolerance, or the financial exploitation of a crime and hoo boy is this promoting racial intolerance.
I think I sufficiently stirred up Mike Monteiro with this and he’s going to do something about it “when America wakes up” (it’s only 4:30am right now) so check twitter later if this kind of thing upsets you or makes you angry or makes you weep for humanity. Which I’ve been doing a lot of lately.
All my life all I ever wanted was for someone to be proud of me.
I’m going to be 52 years old in five days.
I don’t know that I’ve accomplished that yet.
I wish I could undo somethings, redo some things, and do some things I didn’t do.
But I’m guessing most of us feel that way.
I’m just starting to feel like it’s too late. Too late to finally publish my first novel. Too late to have a writing career. Too late to finally figure out who and what I am. Too late to make someone proud of me.
This is your brain on insomnia.
I think I had one hour sleep last night. The rest was spent thinking about the state of the world and the state of my life, per usual.
Anyway. Happy Wednesday.
Listen. I know there are a few bad apples mixed in with the protesters (many of them from outside the town). I know some people got out of hand. I know there was looting. Who doesn’t know this?
But what I also know is from the get go the police came in with aggression. Maybe if they had let the people of Ferguson have their peaceful protest to begin with, without pointing guns at them, things would have played out in a different manner. I truly believe the actions of the police are the cause of everything that’s going on. This was handled horribly from the start. And it continues to be handled in a baffling and awful way. They are being antagonistic, then acting surprised when the antagonizing works.
So you can stop messaging me asking me if I saw the looting or bottle throwing or whatever. I’m aware. But I’m aware also of the frustration and anger in Ferguson. The police started this. And they continue to fan the flames instead of trying to put them out.