in the fade


  1. 2012

    2012 in some ways was not a spectacular year. It started off badly, with me in a state of emotional upheaval, things in my life all wonky and out of sorts. 

    Later, after the self discovery and compromises and righting wrongs, there was Sandy, a two day storm that upended the last three months of this year. I still don’t know what happened to time since those last days of October. I feel like I’ve been been trying to catch up on sleep and life and ever since and have been successful at neither. 

    But in between the the first three months and the last three months of 2012 there were six months that changed everything. 

    There were little things like a weekend trip to LA which was a new start of sorts; a good, solid start. There was a climate change that cleared the air, new elements added to old, all vague personal things I’m not going into details with but will just say were needed, wanted and accomplished. 

    In 2012 I finally found a medication that works for me. Not just works, but works astoundingly well (despite the side effects of insomnia and constant hunger). This medication changed my life in so many ways, made me feel like I woke from a lifelong coma in which everything I did was just a muddled dream. Clarity. 

    Which led to me finally making headway on the freelance writing front. Late summer and early fall found me doing all the things I only thought about doing before this, but was too panic stricken or bound by fear to do. 

    I sent out dozens and dozens of short stories, essays, articles, pitches (still waiting to hear on some of them). I landed the steady gig with Forbes, the weekly stint with Full Moxie. I had several freelance pieces published. I finished my novel. Not just wrote “the end” on it, but felt strong enough about it to send it out. I’m now working on a rewrite for an agent. I am spending almost as many hours a week writing as I am working at my day job. I have a goal for 2013, one I finally think is an achievable, realistic goal. 

    So 2012 sucked in many ways. But it was good to me, too. My long term goal for 2013 is one I’ll write about later. My short term goal? To finally get over the last three months of this year. I may not ever be able to catch up on my sleep, but I can try to get things back on the track they went off in October.

    Looking forward to the new year. I think it’s going to be a good one.